Let's pray these 2018 food predictions don't take off

"What can be in store for our stovetops and palates in 2018?" asks Helen Razer. “Please. Let it not be disgusting.”

Yes, that is a gold-leaf donut that costs $US1000. Source: Getty

Oh, food fashion. Isn’t it marvellous? It has led you to try bold new dishes, and me to the cardiologist, shortly after the “invention” of the cronut. It now leads us both to the thought, “What can be in store for our stovetops and palates in 2018?” Followed, perhaps, by that other thought, “Please. Let it not be disgusting.”

Let’s look at the year’s most appalling, and uplifting, predictions right this minute. We can thereby be quite prepared to say, “Yes, I’d love to cook/try some,” or “No! I do not care to take salmon, ginger and wasabi inside a croissant.”

There is a real danger that some food huckster will soon attempt to convince you that two already faultless foods are stronger together. No. You and I can be stronger together if we join SBS Foodlet Lucy, who has warned us: the crossushi is here, look away.

Why? Why? Clearly, Californian chefs can no longer be trusted with cultural fusion. Adapting cuisines of the world to reflect local climate and diversity? Usually fine. Taking Japanese perfection and cramming it inside French achievement without so much as a, “by your leave, Madame-san?” Well. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen some US figure botch diplomatic relations this month. Is all I’m saying.

It appears that gold leaf is “back”. Notwithstanding that it never went anywhere long enough for us to miss it.

As other SBS Foodlets note, kimchi continues to trend on Google. Australian people have shown interest in Korea’s great miracle. This may very well be down to the fermentation fad.

If you’ve tasted good kimchi, you know you’re going to keep on eating it, whether it is kind to your gut or is not.

It appears that gold leaf is “back”. Notwithstanding that it never went anywhere long enough for us to miss it. This fine filigree sheet  was “back” in 2017, 2016, in 2015, in 2014, in 2006, and for the flashy nobles of the European fifteenth century. The long-ago date on which a maverick of India or present-day Pakistan first popped gold-leaf in their face is unknown to your reporter. We can say, however, that Desi confectioners didn’t start wrapping things in precious metals last Tuesday.

We can have no serious objection to this pretty, non-lethal thing. Other pretty things must be met with caution. Edible flowers are returned to our table this year.

Edible flowers have returned to our table this year. Source: Tan Zexun

As a worrier, I fear for their local misuse. Chinese and other Asian cuisines have routinely employed many flowers and flower parts for centuries. The Skippy food-floral tradition ain’t that rich. My nan would whack some violets on a passionfruit sponge, because she knew the particular species she grew was safe. Other flowers are often the murder weapon in English Whodunnit novels.

My nan would whack some violets on a passionfruit sponge, because she knew the particular species she grew was safe. Other flowers are often the murder weapon in English Whodunnit novels.

Basically, if you’re not a botanist, be careful, whatever your food cultural heritage. Always be mindful of the species you are consuming. Consider decoration with the flowers produced in your garden by vegetables, which are generally safe to eat and, as in the case of broccoli flowers, offer concentrated flavour.

If you’d care to be timelessly fabulous with your flowers, plant saffron. I have grown Crocus sativus and produced enough stigma to turn an entire bowl of rice pale yellow, all with a slight non-ricey taste. May your harvest be more plentiful, and, please, may I be the one who alerts you: planting time for this tiny autumn beauty in Australia is now. NOW. You can buy the corms—similar to bulbs—from specialty producers. I recommend these folks, as do many.

It is quite beyond food fashion to say, “Oh, yeah. Saffron. Grew it,” and shrug, as if everyone had the costly queen of all spices growing in a pot.

As it is always stylish to cook with generosity, eat with gratitude and feel at liberty to say your, “Non, Arigato” to all offers of crossushi. 

 

Helen Razer is your frugal food enthusiast, guiding you to the good eats, minus the pretension and price tag in her weekly Friday column, Cheap Tart. Don't miss her next instalment, follow her on Twitter @HelenRazer.