‘We are free from 20 years of guilt:’ The journey back to Timor-Leste two decades after independence

Twenty years ago, the United Nations Mission to East Timor fled the country-wide violence that followed the independence vote from Indonesia. Many Australians were among them, including 52 Australian Federal Police officers, posted there as UN civilian police. Ahead of the 20th anniversary commemorations in August, nine former AFP cops returned to the country that has haunted them ever since. Retired AFP officer, David Savage, told Dateline his story.

Watch 'Return to Timor-Leste,' on Dateline

I was part of a small group of nine United Nations backed civilian police who returned to Timor to celebrate the 20th Anniversary of the vote to separate East Timor from Indonesia.

In mid 1999, the small United Nations Mission in East Timor (UNAMET) was sent to East Timor to facilitate the voting process and to advise the Indonesian Police on security amidst growing violence.

It was the bravery and resilience of the Timorese people, supported by a small unarmed United Nations mission, which ensured that the vote could occur. But the ballot result led to the Indonesian Military unleashing a well-planned campaign violence throughout East Timor, which could only be addressed by an international military force.

UNAMET were unarmed and without any military or armed response or support.

David Savage reconciles with his guilt from serving in Timor-Leste. Source: Dateline

We faced extreme intimidation and threats from the start of our mission from the Indonesian military and their militia proxies, all designed to prevent the vote taking place. Despite this, the poll went ahead. On the 30 August 1999, and the people of East Timor voted overwhelmingly to separate from Indonesia.

As we know, the violence increased after the ballot and the hundreds of Timorese were murdered and the country destroyed by the Indonesian military and the militias. Despite concerted attempts by the UNAMET Mission to protect as many Timorese as was possible, we were unarmed and forced to evacuate.

Many of us saw our evacuation as shameful, and a failure, because we were supposed to protect people. We felt that we had let the Timorese people down. These feelings have remained with us for 20 years, eating away at us – despite the fact that East Timor is now a free, progressive independent country.

Twenty years on, we have returned to East Timor for closure. We hoped our return would lay to rest the demons that had infected us for two decades.

Many of us have suffered as a result of our service in Timor, including with PTSD. So, our return to Timor was incredibly emotional. For many, it was the first time we had returned as a group - 20 years after we had been evacuated in the wake of the almost complete destruction of the country.

As we prepared to fly into Dili, several of us were plagued with doubts. Was this a good idea? Would the Timorese greet us as those who had assisted them decide their future, or would they be angry that we couldn’t protect them from the Indonesian military? Our flight landed in Dili, and Timor-Leste Government Protocol representatives came on and announced that there were UNAMET members on board. Our concerns were immediately allayed, there was spontaneous applause for us by the Timorese passengers, some of whom were in tears. We were then greeted as VIP’s with traditional dance and greetings. We were home.

Together we visited the various locations where each other had been deployed in 1999. We met our former Timorese UN staff members who were the main targets of the violence, and the families of those Timorese who had been killed in the struggle for independence. We swapped and retold shared experiences of extreme bravery of the Timorese and UNAMET.

The most satisfying moments were seeing the smiles on the Timorese, the tears of joy and seeing how so many have succeeded in life with the opportunities that independence has provided them. They were so grateful that we hadn’t forgotten them – how could we?

As our time came to an end, we reflected how the people of Timor Leste had made us feel, as if we were part of their community, members of their family. Yes, there were many tears of sorrow and shared loss, but there were many more tears of love and gratitude, gratitude that we and our colleagues had managed to hold out long enough against the violence for the vote to take place.

We flew out of Dili almost 20 years to the hour that we had evacuated, but this time we departed feeling different. We were proud of what we had achieved, proud that the Timorese had embraced us and shown how much our efforts meant to them. Proud that they hadn’t forgotten, even if our government has.

We had also achieved freedom, freedom from 20 years of collective guilt.