After the initial shock, I knew I wanted to see justice served. But being 14 at the time I was so naive about how the legal system worked. I definitely knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it turned out to be one of the most horrible and traumatic times ever.
The upcoming trial consumed my life. I could think of nothing but having to recount the most disgusting and horrific memories over and over again. It was agonising. I couldn't stand the thought of being interrogated and drilled for days on end. Not to mention the sterile and serious atmosphere where everyone wore clean-cut suits and spoke in legal terms I didn’t understand. I felt so out of place, so uncomfortable. I tried to be strong in front of all these adults, but I was on the verge of tears majority of the time. And a courtroom is no place for a child. It was just the lawyers and me, I felt so intimidated.
I had some pretty bad days where I blamed myself for everything. After about more than a year of lawyers and police meetings it became obvious this trial could continue for years. I had my future to think about. Going into year 12 an intense, traumatic trial would not only have affected my mental health, but could have a negative impact on my schooling. With plenty of legal advice I decided to drop the case so I could focus on recovery and moving on with my life.
Part of me thinks that if the legal system didn’t make things so hard for girls like me then our society would be a much safer place and rapists would actually be punished.
Not enough girls come forward and tell the police their experiences because of how pointless it seems to be. I hope that one day very soon this changes, so what happened to me never happens to another girl. More people would know they have a chance to get the justice they deserve.
Support services
National
Sexual Assault & Domestic Violence National Help Line
1800 Respect (1800 737 732)
