When cases involving sexual abuse allegations dominate media coverage, turning on the TV, radio, or going online can be considerably problematic for sexual abuse survivors, and it’s not uncommon for many to be hit with a range of difficult emotions.
“From rage, to fury, to overwhelmed, to distressed, you know there’s a whole gamut which is possible,” says Dr Cathy Kezelman, President of Blue Knot Foundation - the National Centre of Excellence for Complex Trauma.
Georgie Burg was 13 years old when she was abused by a priest, who was later sentenced to nine years jail. She knows all too well how days of intense media coverage around child sexual abuse cases can stir up emotions.
“There is fear and trepidation, it drags up a lot of those same emotions that you feel as a child, this sort of helplessness and frustration and sort of rage and impedance.”
Both Burg and Kezelman say there are steps sexual abuse survivors can take to help look after themselves in distressing times.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
Kezelman, a medical practitioner and mental health consumer advocate, says it’s very important for those who may be struggling, to acknowledge their feelings, “because they’re real”.
“I think for a long time many survivors have been invalidated, they haven’t been believed,” she explains.
“They often carry a very strong sense of shame and self blame and that’s really been fuelled often by reactions in the community to stories of child sexual abuse.”
So accept that what you are feeling is valid and OK.
2. Reach out
Despite the physical isolation many of us are experiencing due to the coronavirus pandemic, Kezelman says it’s important to remain socially connected and reach out to those around you, or a support service, to share your feelings.
“It’s very, very important to think about who you have in your network - whether it’s another survivor, a family member, a friend, a counsellor that you feel safe with that you can trust - who will be there, not to solve anything, because no one can solve this, but to walk alongside you during this process.”
“I think for everyone it’s important to know that there are others around and to be listened to and to be heard and to have a sense of being understood … and we all need that as human beings.”
3. Bring yourself back to the present
Kezelman explains that it’s important for survivors to feel grounded and to try and bring themselves back into the present - whether that be through yoga, meditation, breathing techniques or getting out into nature and experiencing different senses.
“Everyone’s unique but whatever it is to help bring you back into your body, into the present, to really just support you in the moment.”
Kezelman says survivors must do whatever it is that nurtures them, that feeds the soul such as music, or art or cooking.
4. Limit media
As COVID-19 dominates headlines, and child sexual abuse allegations get thrown into the media mix, Kezelman says the news can become potentially traumatizing and triggering for many of us.
She explains that it’s important to limit our media consumption whilst still staying abreast of what is happening.
“It’s a balance between staying informed and not being overwhelmed which will vary for everyone.”
Kezelman also advises to look at reputable media, “There’s a lot of opinion that parades as fact”.
From one survivor to another
Burg says on particularly challenging days, a survivor needs to do whatever they find helpful to get through the day.
“Anything that can kind of rip your head away from thinking, I find is really helpful,” she explains.
Burg says shutting down social media can be beneficial in drowning out the noise.
“If you feel like staying informed is going to be helpful to you, do it in a way where you don’t post anything but you allow yourself to have a couple of minutes every hour, or every two hours, to read something and then you put it away again.”
For Burg, who lives on a rural property, taking the family dog out into the paddock and just being in nature helps center her.
“I find watching the environment around me really helpful because it’s so big, and it never changes,” she explains.
“It gives you that sense that all of this is going to be over, but life for the hills and that sort of thing just keeps on going.”
Finding distraction, whether it be with cooking, or looking after the family, can also help in challenging times.
“Just that busyness of very ordinary things that aren’t loaded with meaning.”
Finding comfort in family or animals can also provide support Burg explains, but she adds that sometimes a survivor may prefer to be on their own.
When it all feels too much, Burg says sometimes it’s best to just break it down and think about getting through the day, or the next couple of hours, and then reassessing.
Looking ahead
At the end of the day, whether the result of a child sexual abuse case is met with sadness, or frustration, Kezelman says it’s important for survivors to take comfort in the bigger picture.
“It’s very, very important to understand that …. things have changed in this area, there is a lot more conversation about child sex abuse in the community, there is a lot greater understanding around the impacts of abuse on people long term and what people need to support them in recovery,” she says.
“There is still a long way to go, but there is progress … there is hope.”
For Burg, she believes survivors such as herself can take some comfort in realising that speaking out about child sexual abuse, regardless of the outcome, can lift a great weight off one's shoulders and help others.
“The more open you are about what happened to you, the more validated you can feel because these secrets aren’t meant to be kept.”
Since identifying herself as a survivor, and speaking publicly about what happened to her, Burg says she, along with others, have opened a window for another survivor giving them some “light and air”.
“What needs to happen in terms of a bigger picture is this realization to just open a window, for yourself if for no one else, just to let some sunlight in, start talking, if it’s safe to do so, and just see what happens.”
If you, or someone you know, is experiencing difficulties due to media coverage around child sexual abuse you can contact the Blue Knot Foundation on 1300657380 or 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or Bravehearts on 1800 272 831.
