I was raised on welfare in a Greek migrant family. I had been a successful athlete, school captain, dux of my final year, and was a few years into an arts/law degree when my life spiralled out of control. Then I landed in prison for five and a half years.
As much as I regret all those costly mistakes, they are part of who I am and taught me the most important lessons in life – though I wish I could have learned those lessons some other way.
I grew up with guilt, some of it through my troubled family life, some by the poor choices I made. The seemingly confident, successful teenager was really a depressed and insecure actor. By my early twenties I self-medicated with alcohol, then discovered cannabis and other drugs. Desperate for money after losing my Austudy allowance, I took my petty stealing to another level: armed robbery on TABs.
The day of my arrest, in a panic-stricken, crazy few seconds, I knocked down and disarmed a policeman of his weapon. I will never forget the terror in his eyes, staring into the barrel of the gun, my finger trembling on the trigger. In the police-chase that followed I could have died whilst fleeing a roadblock and being fired upon.
I remember feeling some shame for what I’d done to my family, but nothing more. I wasn’t capable. It felt like my life had exploded into fragments. And over the years, I was shaped by the ugliness of prison.
At the four-year mark of my prison sentence, hopelessly lost, and suicidal, I needed to find a reason to live. Miraculously, it came through reading the Bible. Everything changed. My focus shifted from myself as I invested in the lives of others. It was an amazing time. Although I was still vulnerable and had a long way to go, I felt truly alive.
Arthur pictured at his arrest. Source: Supplied
My father died from a heart attack three months before I got out of prison. I blamed myself. Getting out of prison, being ‘free’ wasn’t easy. I got married, and then divorced and struggled with the unexpected celebrity I received in the Christian ministry from sharing my story and helping everyone.
I have had two failed marriages, a relapse or two, years of self-help groups and counselling. I'm strong but vulnerable; broken but healing; a Christian but ever seeking; and a lot of other contradictory things. I live simply, a day-at-a-time, and strive for balance in the physical-mental-emotional-spiritual realms of life.
Reflecting over my life, I deeply regret the pain I’ve caused people: the victims of my crimes, others that I selfishly used, the people I love – especially my children. Whilst much of it was unintentional, consequences follow actions. I had a school speaking engagement cancelled because a teacher didn’t want me there – her aunt was one of my robbery victims all those years ago! I’ll never know whether she, or the policeman I nearly killed, received the letters I sent, and if they did whether it made a difference to them. It made a difference to me. Instead of just feeling bad, I was able to channel my guilt in a positive way and so, forgive myself.
I also produced a presentation called ‘Victim Awareness’ for prisoners I was working with at the time; met with my mother and sisters to apologise for the pain they suffered – as I’ve done with my sons - and I always strive to be reconciled with anyone I may have fallen out with.
Despite all the mistakes I made, I’ve learned it’s about saying sorry from the heart and doing whatever it is you can to put right a wrong you’ve caused. It’s about redeeming the mess you made of your life by turning it around and using what you’ve learned to help others.
That’s the journey I’m on, and I like myself for it.
Arthur has been a cabbie, facilitated men’s groups, worked with at-risk youth and prisoners, run a church, spoken internationally, and featured in the general media. A writer, consultant criminologist, and speaker, Arthur’s passion is to impart what he’s learned to others and help reform the prison system.
