Michelle Lewis has been in the match-making game for over 30 years, and currently volunteers for JConnect, which connects Australian Jewish singles. If there is something to know about match-making, she knows it.
JConnect is a little different to your usual dating agency. It began in the 1990's with local Rabbi's hosting dinner parties and others singles events. But as more parents and grandparents sought help in matching up their children and grandchildren the service grew into a modern-day, community based matchmaking service. It's run thanks to the help of volunteers, private sponsors and benefactors.
Michelle says the match-making service gives back to the community and keeps the Australian Jewish community united.
When Michelle started out in the industry, there were no dating apps. Today with the introduction of apps providing greater opportunity to meet people, she would have expected greater outcomes. Instead, she is noticing a trend in people getting ‘dating fatigue.’
With the rise of dating apps has come a shift in expectations. In Michelle’s opinion, a lot of what people are fed in contemporary society is an unrealistic projection, and this flows into dating. We create strict criteria about what we want, but Michelle says in 30 years of professional match-making, nothing sums it up more beautifully than a line from the 1997 film, Fools Rush In: “You’re everything I never knew I always wanted.”
In modern dating, Michelle identifies a problematic lack of connection, and a lack of understanding of how to connect with others. JConnect itself recently rebranded to include ‘Connect’ in the company name and centered themselves around the principle that they are there to assist members in making lasting connections.
Michelle says that people, despite craving connection, are actually disconnecting, and thinks they have actually lost the knowledge of how to achieve it. She says being a good dater starts at home.
“So much of how you date depends on your way in the world,” she says. “When looking for a life partner, start by actively connecting with everyone you come into contact with.”
Not having strong personal connections with family, friends, co-workers, and others in your life can take an emotional toll Michelle says. Because of this she is passionate about humans connecting, saying it is vital for people’s well-being and mental health.
How it works
Unlike dating apps, Michelle says that with JConnect you must go through a screening process to ensure you are who you say you are. The screening process includes a phone call with a personal referee, and a face-to-face meeting with a match-maker. After meeting with the new member, the volunteer team of match-makers meet once a month and sit around a table, chatting about the new people they’ve met, and talk about older ones, and identify potential matches.
Alternatively, dating apps allow users to curate their own image, and Michelle remarks this is akin to ‘living in an alternate universe.’
When questioned about the match-maker’s success rate, Michelle is upbeat. “There is a lid for every pot,” she says. If they feel they don’t have someone in mind for a member, they tell the member they will get back in touch. The member is able to remain on the database for as long as they choose.
After so many years in the game, Michelle says singles trying to find love need to remember never to consider the first meeting a date but rather a meeting to see if you want to go on a date in future. This protects the dater emotionally, as it lessens the investment in the outcome. She also recommends not being too stressed about the time commitment of dating. If you have to go on 150 dates to find a match, that is roughly one week of your life well spent.
