My dogs are my children. I already have a grief plan in place for when they die

Dr Anupam Sharma doesn't want a partner or children. Pets are her life, and as a veterinarian and veterinary doula, she prepares us for life without them.

Dr Anupam Sharma says her dogs aren't like her children; they are her children. Source: Supplied

Furry friend or public pest? Not everyone wants to be pawed by a pug in public. Is the increasing humanisation of pets and the inclusion of them in society the best thing for us all? Watch Insight episode It's Just A Dog on SBS On Demand.

Stream free On Demand

It's Just A Dog

episode • Insight • 

News And Current Affairs • 

51m

episode • Insight • 

News And Current Affairs • 

51m

As a vet, I see the emotional connection that people have with their animals every day.

And I have the same bond with my own two girls, Nisha and Ruby. My dogs are not like my children; they are my children.

We often speak of a 'human-animal bond' in veterinary science. However, I feel that at university, I didn't learn much about people's emotions and their attachment to animals.

I was never trained to look after people, only their pets.

This didn't sit right with me.

Anupam works as a locum vet and also runs her own palliative care service for pets. Source: Supplied

In my first 15 years of clinical practice, I didn't have enough time to care for pet parents as well.

The limited time for consultations restricted me to being a veterinary clinician only — just diagnosing and treating conditions.

I felt I didn't have the capacity to adequately educate people on how their pets' diagnoses would affect their own lives and their human-animal bond.

Practising this way didn't feel holistic and I wanted to do more.

So, in 2024, I started my own mobile veterinary palliative care service. I still work as a locum vet but also visit the homes of people who need extra support with their pets.

From post-surgery recovery management to end-of-life support, I help pet parents access allied health services and liaise with their regular vet so they can provide the best care possible for their pet.

Essentially, I provide a clinical perspective and emotional support to families while serving as their pet's medical advocate.

Nursing animals like humans

The anticipatory grief that I see in people when their pet is terminally ill is palpable.

Many pet parents nurse their animals in the same way they would a human family member.

They hand-feed them, medicate them, clean up after them and take them to medical appointments.

Some will even take time off work to spend more time with their unwell animals.

It is a difficult process to watch someone you love fade towards the end of their life, and I believe the responsibility of deciding when to say goodbye weighs heavily on most.

'Don't want kids, don't want to get married'

I've never wanted kids, but people always said, 'wait till you get older, wait till you get older'.

The older I get, the more affirmed I am in my decision: don't want kids, don't want to get married.

I'm quite happy to be single with dogs and enjoy life with them.

I've had a turbulent life in many respects, and I feel that dogs have shown me more humanity than some people have.

They keep me grounded, humble and softened. They help me with my anxiety and when I have particularly rough days, they remind me what living is truly about.

My girls have provided me with unconditional love and support in times when I've needed it most.

Their love feeds my soul, and they've saved me more than once.

A grief plan

But the flip side to such pure love is profound grief.

As the girls get older, I feel the anticipatory grief.

It is likely that I will outlive them, and I simply cannot imagine this.

Coming back from work to an empty apartment will just not feel like home anymore.

Anupam says her dog Nisha is her soulmate. Source: Supplied

I have a grief plan in place for when my dogs die, because I really don't think I will be okay.

My friends and chosen family know to enlist professional medical and psychological assistance for me when the time comes.

In my work, I have witnessed many people access psychologists and GPs for support and medication when grieving a pet's death.

For many, it's not so different from grieving a human.

I believe it's about who we are, not what we are, at the end of the day.

We have limited time with the amazing pure souls that are pets — so it's important to cherish every moment with them.

Our pets see the best in us, so be the person your pet sees in you.

Readers seeking crisis support can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 and Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (for young people aged up to 25). More information and support with mental health is available at beyondblue.org.au and on 1300 22 4636.  

Griefline provides confidential support on 1300 845 745 and via griefline.org.au.

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