After winning a chance to live permanently in the United States with her then girlfriend, Deb packed up her life in Australia for a new adventure. But as her daughter’s domestic situation deteriorated, she made the difficult decision to return to Australia and become a full-time carer of three young grandchildren in her early 50s. She reflects on the dramatic change to her life and plans for the future.
Being a single parent at 61, raising 3 grandchildren all under 14 years old, as opposed to being a single parent, 24 as I was then, with one child, is as different as oil and water.
Firstly, being single both times was the only similar experience. I didn’t have to then, and don’t have to now, fight with anyone about decisions I make about anything relating to the children. That’s the good thing. The down side of that is with three kiddies and a brain that finds it harder to multitask, making all the decisions all the time wears the ol’ brain cells down and that is when you need a shoulder to cry on. And there begs the question: Do we miss what we never had? Why, hell yes!
Another thing I struggled with was something as simple as shopping. Picture this: 1 x granny with a few, maybe a lot, of extra pounds; one 3 year-old; one 18 month-old who runs everywhere he goes; one baby in a pouch wrapped around your front; and that buxom ol’ granny running for all she is worth with the baby bouncing on her voluptuous belly trying to catch the 18 month old before he reaches the crossing and flies into the oblivion of traffic. I remedied that one with a harness and lash. Never thought I would have resorted to that but you have to do what is safe, not what looks better.
Then when you catch him, poor ol’ granny has to find a two seater shopping trolley plus a second trolley to put all the groceries in. We don’t have a car so we have to shop for a week and can only afford one return taxi ride a week. Bulky items for babies are numerous. There is no one pack wipes, no one pack nappies, no one bottle milk etc. No car means walking everywhere with three babies and all the other stuff you have to take with babies and young children.
This week on Insight
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Despite all that I had fun with those gorgeous babies. I could kick a football around, sit for hours playing tea parties, colouring in, running from one appointment to another, remembering all those appointments, going to the beach and keeping up with kids going in all directions and not removing your eyes off them for one second while they were in the water, attending three separate after school activities as well as Saturday sports in three different locations, just to name a few.
It was all fun between 50 and 60 years old but for some reason, at 61 years old, suddenly everything is not so much fun any longer. I can’t run, everything hurts, I can’t think, well not quickly that is. If I don’t put appointments, things to do, whatever, in my phone I don’t remember anything. I hardly ever picked up my mobile before and now it is my memory. I hate that.
I loved to laugh and do crazy things spur of the moment but now what I find exciting is not what the kiddies find exciting or even interesting.
I never usually second guess my abilities to be the best for my kiddies, but now I wonder. If I’m not having as much fun with them for whatever reason, maybe they are not having fun with me. Maybe they would be better off with younger parents, am I really the best person for them.
What it all comes down to is being there and I can do that. I love my kiddies and I can do that!
Well, as much as I can doubt myself, the one thing I know is that I can and want to be there for them all day every day. The kiddies say they worry about me having a heart attack. In fact, for someone my size I am remarkably healthy. Dependability, caring, responsibility, clean clothes, guiding them, saying’ no’ when ‘no’ is the right thing, encouraging a full and happy life, lots of ‘can do’s’ and not too many ‘can’t do’s’ inspires goal thinking.
What it all comes down to is being there and I can do that. I love my kiddies and I can do that!
This week's Insight looks at the highs and lows of grandparents looking after the kids | Granny Nanny - Tuesday 30 May, 8.30pm SBS
