As the Harvey Weinstein verdict was announced in February 2020, I thought back to an Autumn day in April 2018, when the trial of my perpetrator was held.
I realise now, how little I had known about the process of testifying as a rape victim.
I want to encourage other survivors to step forward, informed and ready to hold their perpetrators to justice, like I did.
What you need to know
Each case is unique. Procedures may differ from state to state. In some instances, recent attacks, reported quickly can reach trial within a year.
It took my case three years and eight months from reporting to sentencing. A criminal investigation alone can take a year, with witnesses interviewed across Australia.
As the investigation gathers pace, layers of police hierarchy begin signing off. Their question is simple. “Is there a case to answer?”
As the survivor, you’ll have months of uncertainty where you’re sure it’s been forgotten, punctuated by sudden phone calls from the lead detective. It will be lonely. You’ll need stamina, endurance and determination.
Then, maybe 18 months later, a casual, short phone call delivered with a sense of strange urgency.
“The investigation has been signed off to the Director of Public Prosecutions for assessment. Don’t get your hopes up.”
You won’t hear from the Prosecutor for some time, as the case winds through yet more layers of approval. Then, it’s approved for a trial.
Your Witness Liaison Manager makes contact, allocated by the DPP. Ask them questions, be prepared that there are things they can’t say. And they’re awesome.
Your Prosecutor will have Assisting Counsel, who will follow up a variety of details, usually in the final stages. They’re distant, consummate professionals, but in my case, I was reassured by small hints of warmth when I cried at the end of phone calls. Flights, accommodation, procedures; they are logistical experts.
Sort out leave from work or childcare. The DPP will write you letters for employers, who can react in unexpectedly brutal ways.
We had two weeks’ notice of the trial. If you’re interstate, they’ll fly you there a day or two before.
Lots of cases have no press at all, but if you prepare mentally for it, it can be less shocking than stumbling across an article by accident, like we did, the day before I began testifying.
You can appear in court, or in a remote witness room (RWR). The RWR may have a little waiting room attached, but the RWR, I’m sorry to say, is bleak & scary.
A desk, a massive TV, a video camera. A chair behind you and a screen (for your Witness Liaison Manager) another for the Sheriff.
The Sheriff will look pretty scary, in their official uniform. But the truth is they’re lovely; sadly familiar with seriously abused children and the adults we grow into.
The Sheriff has dozens of large, white envelopes, alphabetical, which the judge or lawyers direct to give you.
These envelopes are evidence. Your past is handed to you, a question about it, then it’s gone. Confusing and traumatic, some will be things you’ve never seen before.
The Prosecution and Defence ‘run’ these cases in a way that doesn’t involve you. They’ll ask questions, you begin to answer and they’ll hold up a hand saying, “I’ll stop you there. Redirect, Your Honour?”
You think you’re answering them, but it feels like they won’t let you. In the first stages of testifying, it can happen a lot.
You need to develop a trust in them; accepting they own your story now. Just answer their questions. Nothing else. Their eyes will be tired as they listen to you.
Be ready to feel exhausted. You might vomit, have gastro or spontaneous nosebleeds. You might feel faint. Your chest might hurt. You will cry. Your dignity is left at the door.
You might feel the things you felt while being raped. And all of this is normal.
The Sheriff told me, during a Recess, that our bodies aren’t designed for the kind of stress testifying demands. There will be a wastepaper basket for throwing up in and ice cubes to remind you where you are.
When it gets too much, a Recess can be called by a number of people, including you.
You might find Prosecution is actually tougher than Defence cross examination. In my case, Prosecution took a day and a half, but Defence was finished within three hours.
Be ready for awful, personal questions. You have to name body parts clinically; to be explicit.
It’s difficult to say what was done to you in front of a jury and crowded courtroom. Watching you cry while talking about sadistic things you want to forget.
If I had known these things before I testified, I’d have found it easier. Because I didn’t know, I felt like control over my body was taken away again, this time by the justice system.
My rapist was sentenced to nine years jail - five non parole.
Would I still have stepped forward, if I had known what it was really like?
Yes, I would.
I was a very brave 13 year old, to have survived my attacks. It may have taken me decades to demand justice for her.
But it’s never too late to stand up. To be brave, no matter how frightened you are.
After you’ve testified, you can step into the sunlight, say your name and know that justice is for everyone.
If this article has raised any issues for you, or someone you know, you can contact the blue knot foundation here or 1800 RESPECT or Bravehearts.
