What happens when love challenges entrenched social norms? Insight explores the tensions of taboo relationships, from age gaps, multiple partners, inter-faith dating and more. Watch Insight episode Taboo Relationships on SBS On Demand.
Mia Fine says it is common for people to mistakenly assume she is her boyfriend's carer or sister.
Once, when the Melbourne couple were leaving a nightclub, a stranger pulled Mia aside and said: "It's really lovely of you to make sure that he had a nice night out; I have a lot of respect for you."
Mia's boyfriend Will Taylor is a wheelchair user.
"Somehow, I was 'worthy' of respect for spending my night out at a nightclub with someone in a wheelchair ... when I just wanted to go to a Taylor Swift disco with my boyfriend."
Will playing AFL Wheelchair for Essendon. Source: Supplied
"I think we've noticed the way that people treat us is very different — depending on how visibly disabled we look," she says.
Both Will and Mia say that, although people often seem positive about their relationship, they often face surprising comments and inappropriate questions.
Speaking to his experience dating as a visibly disabled person Will said: "I've actually had someone say to me: 'how do you have sex if your penis is disabled?'"
'It can be a little bit emasculating'
Like Will and Mia, Brisbane couple Shontel and Jacob have a visible difference some may deem taboo: their height.
Shontel, who is 190cm tall, says that height seems to be an issue for taller women when it comes to dating, and one that often makes shorter men feel uncomfortable.
She admits that the 20cm height difference between her and now-boyfriend Jacob, who is 170cm tall, somewhat delayed them getting together.
The couple were friends for 10 years before they became romantically involved, and Shontel said she would playfully tease Jacob when he was showing interest.
"I was like: 'No, you're a little guy'."
Shontel is 20cm taller than her boyfriend Jacob. Source: Supplied
"It doesn't seem like a good reason, to not allow myself to give something a go.
"Especially when ... he was a great guy."
Jacob says that, for some, "it can be a little bit emasculating to have someone taller than you — especially a female".
He said it really is more about the dynamic between the two people.
"If it makes it emasculating, then I guess you've just got to find the right person that doesn't make it emasculating for yourself."
'Not quite accepted' in either community
Melbourne couple Haylo Roberts and his girlfriend Elyse are both trans, and feel at times they aren't fully welcomed as a couple within different communities.
"I think to the queer community, [we're not] quite accepted as still being queer. And then to the cisgender straight society, we're still considered different, as well," Haylo says.
Haylo notes he and Elyse are in a heterosexual relationship, and says: "I think it's seen as taboo because people struggle to tease apart gender and sexuality sometimes."
He says that since they came out as trans, they have felt unwelcome at some queer events — being taken for a cisgender, straight couple.
"Sometimes, it's a little bit of a rude awakening when we go out in public and queer spaces and we're met with weird looks of: 'What are they doing here?'"
"If they see us as transgender or if they see us as a straight couple — and they're in the queer community — then they don't see us as queer."
Elyse says she feels society has a disproportionate obsession with and stigma towards trans people.
"People don't ask, don't have a conversation beyond the stereotypes that they 'know'.
"So, there's no undoing the 'taboo-ness' of it all."
Haylo and Elyse say they have experienced unwelcome attitudes in queer spaces as a heterosexual, trans couple. Source: Supplied
Unlearning the taboo
Now that she and Jacob are together, Shontel says the public judgement isn't as bad as she'd thought it would be.
"Him not caring about the height really made me be more comfortable with it."
They receive some unsolicited opinions and stares, but Shontel says she just giggles it off.
"I'm realising how minute and unimportant [height] really is for a relationship.
"We hug when we're laying down together ... You don't notice a difference sitting next to each other on a train. There's no difference at all."
Mia believes there is still a taboo around dating with disabilities and there's more room for open discourse.
"I think maybe people just don't know yet: what to ask, how to ask, and when it's okay to ask," she says.
"Curiosity is great. Without cool conversations, we don't learn, and we don't grow as a society."
And for more stories on sex, relationships, health, wealth, grief and more, head to Insightful — an SBS podcast series hosted by Kumi Taguchi. Follow us on the SBS Audio App, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
