Despite the disapproval from those around me, the bullying from my peers and questions from strangers on the street asking if I was ‘the pregnant girl’, I had my daughter Ruby at 16.
There wasn’t a plan as to what I would do after giving birth, so after some time off from school holidays I returned to class because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. My mum worked full-time, so I felt I had no other option but to leave Ruby in childcare. She was only six weeks old at the time.
During labour I had complications that required surgery and yet I returned to school when my body hadn’t fully recovered. At this point I was still breastfeeding, so I was going to the office to express milk and trying to manage night feeds all while trying to concentrate in school. I was lucky Ruby would sleep most of the night, but I quickly became a mess.
There was never a discussion about time off, no one asked “Do you or should you have maternity leave?” I was just expected to resume normal life, but also take care of a baby.
Ebony at 16 with her daughter Ruby. Photo: Supplied Source: Supplied
I remember after I had Ruby I brought her to school to show everyone. She was like a new puppy and I was so proud of her, but after that day I lost all of my friends. My closest friend who was in birthing room even started to withdraw.
I don’t blame her. No one could relate to me, not even my twin sister. Everyone was still carefree, going out, experimenting with alcohol and I was just tired all the time. I felt so isolated.
I ended up diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety and dropped down to 3 days of school a week, when I realised it wouldn’t work. I after this decision I slowly started to get a hold of things.
In year 12 I fell pregnant a second time, to my now-husband, Shane. I had known his sister for a long time and he knew of me and what he was getting himself into.
Before I fell pregnant I remember calling my mum and crying, asking ‘what is wrong with me? I’m 17 and I want another baby so bad.’
I was genuinely confused at my own emotions. I knew I wanted more kids and that I didn’t want a ten-year gap between them, but there was always a little fear because of the judgement I had the first time.
Ebony with her son, Archer, husband, Shane, and daughter Ebony. Photo: @sylvialawrencephotography Source: @sylvialawrencephotography
While my second pregnancy to my son Archer wasn’t planned either, Shane and I were ready to step up. Things were different now, I was living out of home, I had my license and I had learnt so much from the first time, I knew it would be better.
After graduating I gave birth, deferred university and had 12 months off with Archer. It was also the first time I got to spend a whole lot of uninterrupted time with Ruby.
No matter what age you are you need time to bond with your baby and for yourself to heal. It might feel hard because you’re young and still under parental control yourself, but you have to trust your gut instinct – and the people around you should listen.
For young mums it’s also important to have someone from a similar situation reassure you or just other teen mums who can relate to you.
During my second pregnancy I connected with the CEO of the Brave Foundation, a not-for-profit organisation that brings the village of support you need as an expecting teen. She became a role model to me and reminded me that I could have a baby and still be successful like herself.
Their aim is to help other teens make that plan – that I never had – for a smooth transition back into education or the workforce.
A lot of people assume it’s the end once someone becomes a teen mum, that we won’t finish school and live on long-term welfare, but that’s not the case. We all had dreams before we got pregnant. Now we just need a little more help.
I stayed involved with the Brave Foundation and am now on the board of directors. Over the next few years I want to finish studying law and arts at university, definitely have more kids and try to achieve that work-life balance. It’s not the end when you have a baby or two.
You can watch the full episode of Teen Parents, featuring Ebony, here:
