Medical menopause was like being dropped off a cliff, going from enjoying a full tank of hormones and then plunging instantly down to nothing. It was treatment to save myself from aggressive hormone receptor cancer and I am thankful to be in menopause, it means I am still alive.
I believe menopause is a wonderful part of being a woman and I invite other women to reframe their menopause experience into something positive and celebratory, even if challenging, because the alternative is to be a man. By only seeing the difficult discomforts of menopause women are playing into the medical, male dominated view of women’s health that we are cursed. Flip it. Embrace yourself. Make menopause a time of rejuvenation, growth, and expansion. Menopause marks a major transition and heralds a new autonomy for women so make it work.
In the final words of my book, The Feel Good Guide to Menopause I write: Listen to your body and inner wisdom. Hear its signals but don’t rush – relax and allow menopause to unfold by supporting your physical and mental wellbeing. Pause before you medicate or replace hormones without first identifying or addressing the underlying cause of your distress. It might not be due to hormonal loss: it could be the need to improve your relationship, to learn how to care for yourself and develop a healthy lifestyle, or to develop a positive mindstyle.
Be kind to yourself if you find yourself needing assistance. and learn what helps you to be comfortable – it is never a failure to need help. A significant number of women do want some form of physical relief from menopausal discomfort, whether it be from lifestyle changes, supplements, acupuncture or medication, and that need is natural. You also don’t need to wait until overwhelmed or until you are in menopause. If necessary, start intervention in perimenopause, as there is evidence to suggest that the change in hormone ratio is more of an issue than the final cessation. Just start gently, take any medications or supplements in low doses and slowly increase to take the edge off, and plan to review the intervention within five years.
Become self-compassionate and learn to love yourself and those parts of you that you feel critical of or find unacceptable or a failure and imperfection. Practise the art of self-acceptance. Also, to go forwards without burden, it is necessary to have forgiveness and let go. Stop avoiding those feelings and memories that are unpleasant. Carrying negative painful emotions or unfinished emotional processing affects your body, so rather than continuing to avoid pains, face them – that is the way they pass. Welcome them into your life story and consider what you learned, as those experiences are aspects that shaped you and helped you grow into the amazing wonderful woman you are today.
Accept yourself unconditionally. Build your midlife foundation as this is where you will grow from and will contribute to your late-life wellbeing. Love who you are and identify what you want so you can set new intentions and make the best choices. Consider all aspects of your life – physical and mental health, relationships, occupation/vocation, financial security, environment, leisure and spirituality/meaning and purpose. Find your passion/s or what makes your soul sing as having goals will re-energise you. Make a commitment to always cherish and honour yourself to help you flourish for the next third of your life.
Dr Nicola Gates is a clinical neuropsychologist, author, presenter and researcher.
