In an NITV Radio exclusive, The Betoota Advocate Editor Clancy Overell reveals that special envoy of Indigenous Affairs, "Uncle" Tony Abbott has moved on from his signature bucket hat to an Aboriginal flag headband.
Since Uncle Tony was appointed to the new role, the news outlet from far-west Queensland have broken several stories on the matter including, 'Uncle Tony Gets A Start Playing for Walgett In The 2018 Koori Knockout' and 'Uncle Tony Abbott Accused Been Spoiling The Jarjums Silly'.
Overell has also received a Walkley Award nomination in the category of Excellence in Coverage of Indigenous Affairs for his recent reporting on Uncle Tony's protests against coal seam gas fracking in Manly Dam.
Executive Producer of NITV Radio and rumoured 2019 Channel Ten Bachelor—Australia's first Aboriginal Bachelor and the first to be in a relationship—, Danny Teece-Johnson was joined on-air with Overell who confirmed Uncle Tony will be sporting his Aboriginal flag headband at more public events.
This comes after Uncle Tony appeared on Channel Nine's Today Show this morning to discuss Mark Knight's cartoon depiction of Serena Williams. On the program, Uncle Tony labelled Knight as "Gammin" and a "wine-drunk migaloo", leading to a trending hashtag on Twitter, #MarkTheMigaloo.
Unlike his other public appearances, Uncle was not wearing his trademark dot art bucket hat, but a more sophisticated red, black and yellow cotton headband.
Overell says this fashion statement is a reaction from a cartoon Knight depicted of Uncle when he was first appointed the envoy role, and Uncle has been shame ever since.
"There was a cartoon Mark Knight drew of him in the bucket hat and he wasn't really happy about that," Overell explained.
However, there has also been speculation from Tony's coach Dean Widders that he simply left the hat at training.
Overell also confirmed that despite being a respected Northern Beaches elder, Uncle did not originally want the role of special envoy.
"He didn't actually want that job at the start, I think he wanted Prime Minister a week ago, or a couple of weeks ago, and that didn't come to play," Overell explained.
He didn't want it at the start, but then he kind of thought— 'you know what? If I can channel my bitterness and my cunningness into doin' something for my brothers and sisters, then maybe this whole career has been worthwhile.' And from that point he started calling all his female colleagues 'Sis', he started wearing the beads and now he's a completely different bloke."
Notwithstanding the community unrest that will likely follow from Uncle ditching his deadly headgear, listener Jacob McGuire still wanted to know if Tony could wear his bucket hat in Parliament like Sen. Pat Dodson.
"If anyone's going to be able to get that done He's got a lot of energy. He's a political animal, so if he can apply as much energy as he has to getting rid of Turnbull as he does to allowing himself to wear that hat into Parliament, I'm sure he'll be able to pull that off."
Listen to the NITV Radio exclusive with the Betoota Advocate here:
This article is satire and should only be taken as seriously as much as Linda Burney finds Tony Abbott's envoy appointment.