We often hear about the long-term effects bullying has on victims. The struggles and suffering they experience. But what about the other side of the equation? Why do bullies intentionally harm or intimidate others?
Rand Faied is a counsellor, family mentor and dispute resolution practitioner who has worked with dozens of bullies and victims. She says there are several reasons why a person may engage in bullying behaviour. Some people are aware of the impact their actions have on others but others aren’t.
Some bullies know what they're doing is wrong, but they don't know how to manage their emotions. This kind of kid we can help by teaching them new skills. But other bullies, they don't see any anything that is morally wrong with bullying other people.Rand Faied
Lucia remembers people at high school throwing rubbish bins at her friends who were of Asian backgrounds.
A lot of people were calling them hate words... anything that had any Asian background to it. Even if they didn't understand the difference between each Asian country, they will just call you any name.Lucia
Rand says it's likely kids who bully others grew up in households where aggression and violence took place and was tolerated, so they think it's normal.
But other kids may also behave in these ways as a reaction or a defence mechanism. Rand says these kids can feel guilt because they know what they're doing is wrong, but they don't have the skills to manage their feelings.
They don't know how to to heal themselves, how to manage their anger or frustration. These kinds of kids need help. Bullying in these cases is just a scream for help.Rand Faied
Lucia's strategy in high school was to target other bullies to avoid becoming a victim herself. She would also pick on vulnerable kids in order to make herself look tough. Lucia recalls one day where she witnessed a friend being physically assaulted by another bully. She found herself stepping in to defend her friend.
All I could remember was my hands were full of her hair, and I just lost my temper.Lucia
Bullying has long-term consequences for all parties. Victims, bullies, and bystanders.
Rand says that education is the key. She acknowledges the work has been done to address the impact of bullying on victims, and now thinks we need to turn our attention to understanding the actions of those doing the bullying.
We need to focus more on supporting the bullies themselves and guiding them through learning a new skill and dealing with their emotions, so they are not hurting themselves or hurting others.
If you or someone you know need mental health support, you can call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or visit www.beyondblue.org.au
Lifeline provides crisis support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for all ages. Call 13 11 14.
Harmful is a six-part SBS podcast series that asks how we can better tackle bullying in our schools, workplaces and online. Hear personal testimonies that reveal what motivates bullies, what support victims need, and what it takes to heal.
To listen to the full episode of Lucia's story click on the audio above or by searching for Harmful in the SBS radio app, at sbs.com.au/harmful, or in your favourite podcast app.
Harmful is hosted by Wiradjuri woman and Science and Technology journalist Rae Johnston, and produced by Maram Ismail from SBS Arabic24.
