'I was raised to be a people pleaser': the connection between trauma, upbringing, and bullying

For some people, their ability to deal with bullying is impacted by past trauma. Sarah is a lecturer in mental health and a domestic violence survivor. It has been a dark year for her. Years of trauma and social pressure led to a break down. She was unable to go back to work and unable to defend herself against the bullying she was facing. In this episode of 'Harmful', we explore how past experiences, upbringing, and cultural context influence what we deem acceptable in the ways others treat us.

Responses to bullying are often influenced by past trauma Source: Pexels

For people who've experienced trauma or abusive relationships recognising bullying behaviours can be difficult. But the way we were raised, or the culture we grew up in can impact our capacity to identify red flags too. 

Sarah was working in the mental health sector when she was subjected to bullying. She thought her experience working in this area would protect her and she struggled to come to terms with being a victim.

It made me a person who is miserable. Crying. Doesn't want to get out of the bed.

Sarah's past experience in an abusive relationship may have made it difficult for her to stand up to bullying in the workplace. Rand Faied, who is a counsellor, family mentor and dispute resolution practitioner, says that mental health trauma can cause feelings of distress, fear and loss of control.

When you experience past trauma, it does impact your resilience. It does impact your self-worth.

Rand Faied

But Sarah also believes that there is a connection between her upbringing and what happened to her. She feels she was taught to please others, be agreeable and not to raise her voice. Psychologist Edanur Baskocak says that in cultures where speaking up or being assertive is considered rude, children do not develop the strategies necessary to stand up for themselves.  

Sarah is speaking out now to break down the cultural taboos and silence about bullying in her community. She's rebuilding her confidence and resilience and showing her vulnerability to help others. 

Put yourself in the other person's shoes and think for a moment...Do you do this to your loved one?

If you or someone you know need mental health support, you can call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or visit www.beyondblue.org.au Lifeline provides crisis support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for all ages. Call 13 11 14.

Harmful is a six-part SBS podcast series that asks how we can better tackle bullying in our schools, workplaces and online. Hear personal testimonies that reveal what motivates bullies, what support victims need, and what it takes to heal.

LISTEN TO

'I was raised to be a people pleaser': the connection between trauma, upbringing, and bullying

SBS Audio

23:05English

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Harmful is hosted by Wiradjuri woman and Science and Technology journalist Rae Johnston, and produced by Maram Ismail from SBS Arabic24.