People tell me I’ll regret not having kids. Why I know they're wrong

Jess chose to be child-free and had her fallopian tubes removed. She says she feels dismissed when people say she'll regret it.

Jess says that her body didn't feel like her own when she was waiting to get her abortion. Source: Supplied

Child-free life vs child-free world? As more Australians embrace a child-free life, Insight explores why many of us are choosing not to have kids, the stigma that can come with that decision, and the changing face of family. Watch Insight episode No Kids, No Problems? on SBS On Demand.

I've never been able to imagine myself as a mother. I can't pinpoint the exact moment I decided I didn't want children, but I knew from a young age.

Maybe I was born this way, or maybe being the oldest with caring responsibilities in a single-parent household played a role; in some way, I feel I've already parented.

I also watched people around me have kids young and saw what they went through in raising them. If anything, it pushed me further away from wanting that life.

I couldn't relate to people who wanted children, and the idea has always made me uncomfortable.

But there was one time, just over a decade ago, when parenthood was a looming threat.

My period was a few days late, and I had a funny feeling about it, so I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.

I didn't feel excited. It only confirmed what I already felt: I didn't want children.

I didn't hesitate and booked an appointment with the clinic straight away to have an abortion.

I didn't feel torn or unsure. There was no "maybe this is meant to be".

I knew I didn't want to go ahead with the pregnancy, and I didn't need time to think about it.

'I felt like my body wasn't mine'

The two weeks leading up to the procedure were horrible.

I was uncomfortable in my own body; tired, bloated, nauseous — all of it.

I felt like my body wasn't mine, like a parasite had taken over. That was the hardest part. I just wanted it out of me. There was no connection to it at all.

That period only reinforced my decision.

I didn't want to be a parent — not then, not ever.

I felt such relief after the abortion.

Relief that my body was mine again. Relief that I had the choice, and I could make that decision for myself.

I also felt proud.

Proud that I did what was right for me. Proud that I accessed the care I needed.

I've never felt regret — if anything, the whole experience just solidified what I'd always known.

And it gave me the confidence to say I don't want kids without shame or guilt.

'A practical decision'

Just over two years ago, I had my fallopian tubes removed — a procedure I had wanted for a long time.

I didn't do it earlier because of doctors' pushback that I'd heard of from family and friends who had been told no — even when they already had children.

I just felt like it'd be even more of a fight if I asked.

But when I finally asked a couple of years ago, I didn't get any pushback at all.

Both my abortion and tubal ligation (which is a permanent form of contraception) were positive experiences in terms of the care I received — and my GP and specialists were supportive.

The tubal ligation was a practical decision; I didn't want to rely on contraception or risk another pregnancy.

I was also diagnosed with endometriosis at the same time, so it was a no-brainer for me.

The procedure has given me certainty, and it brings me peace knowing I will never have children.

I don't have to explain my choice

Navigating other people's opinions about this choice hasn't always been easy.

People say, 'you'll change your mind', 'you'll regret it', or 'you just haven't met the right person'.

It just feels dismissive — like they don't trust that I know myself.

Jess knew from a young age that she didn't want to be a parent. Source: Supplied

I used to feel like I had to explain my decision, but I don't anymore. I know what's right for me.

I think people project their own beliefs or fears, but it doesn't mean I must take that on.

I understand what it takes to raise kids — the responsibility, the emotional labour, the lifelong commitment — and I've never wanted a part in it.

I've never felt like I'm missing out. My life has always felt full without children.

'I don't want to be guilted'

Still, I've felt a lot of pressure around the idea of 'the village', especially as a woman.

It feels like there's an expectation that if you're child-free, you should be available to help out and step up...but no one really asks if that's something you want to do. I've felt this — even when it hasn't been asked directly.

And even as a teenager, I didn't like the idea of being an aunty.

These thoughts don't mean I don't care; it just means I don't want the responsibility or expectation.

I want the choice. If I want to be involved, I will. If I don't, I don't want to be guilted.

Of course, if something serious happens, I'll show up. But I don't want my life structured around other people's children.

I don't feel like I'm missing out

My life now is quiet in the best way. I have space and time. I can focus on my health, my work, and the things that make me happy.

I like being only responsible for myself, and I can make decisions without thinking about a child — there's freedom in that.

I'm not living a life that feels expected of me; I'm living one that feels right.

Having an abortion didn't change who I was; it just clarified it. It gave me certainty. Having my tubes removed gave me even more certainty.

I feel calm and settled in my decision. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I've chosen the life that fits me.

I trust myself. I trust that I know what's right for me, and I've built a life around that for me and no one else.

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