Ten years ago I was trying out for the Victorian state Basketball team. I came home early on the second day of try outs as I felt incredibly faint and weak. I passed out after throwing up all afternoon.
That was the last day that I would feel normal for the next 10 years of my life. I continued to deal with severe problems after that. I went back to school. My health problems weren't going away with rest, so my family and I decided it was time to see a doctor about these ongoing problems. We consulted a local doctor about my symptoms and explained how hard I was finding just managing to get to school. His advice was to "continue as normal and things should improve." He encouraged me to take more walks outside and get some fresh air. I followed his advice for weeks, nothing improved. Things were getting worse, much worse. At the time I was a 16 year old elite athlete competing in high level competition and high academic performance. I was struggling mentally to deal with anything in class. When I arrived home from school, I'd spend the rest of the day lying down flat with my eyes closed only getting up to eat and drink. Absolute misery.
I knew something wasn't right, but unfortunately the more tests we did, the less we really knew what was happening to me. I felt like I was being hand balled from specialist to specialist as an experiment. Throughout the entire time when we followed the mainstream medical journey I was getting worse and losing hope rapidly. My symptoms had exacerbated to a traumatic level, levels I hadn't dreamt of. I had serious back pain, sore eyes, breathing troubles, stomach pain and upset, neck pain, leg pain, extreme fatigue and exhaustion. I was constantly feeling fever hot, nauseated, depressed, panic anxiety and headaches. These are only some of the many symptoms I was feeling.
I started losing the last few glimpses of hope I had been clinging onto. The medications the doctors gave me for my pain and symptoms were only masking other, more severe problems. I felt like I was spinning in circles on these pharmaceutical drugs that were supposed to make my life easier. I felt no compassion, understanding or empathy from any specialists or doctors I saw. I didn't fit into their book of known conditions, I was just too hard of a case for them. When did this become acceptable practice and why?
After six years of this trial and error I finally gave up on my journey of mainstream medicine. I had decided that no one understood what was wrong with me. This led me to a completely different approach. After a long period of doing nothing I undertook different emotional therapies that delved into my past traumas. This gave me a new foundation on my life and on things that had happened to me. These techniques were helpful, but eventually I surpassed my need for emotional help and moved on.
I came across meditation, I initially learned TM (transcendental meditation) which wasn't helpful to me. When I came out of TM I felt this extreme anger inside me. I eventually learned that this wasn't the right meditation for me. I came across another meditation called 'Vipassana'. It means total concentration on the body's sensations and the insight which this provides. This really changed my life and allowed me to dive deeper into my own sub conscious than I could ever have imagined. I gained a new perspective which I really needed.
I do see myself improving and sometimes that's all that matters.
For the next three years up to the current day, all of my healing comes from a holistic approach. I have a great naturopath that I see regularly who really understands how long a chronic illness takes to heal. When I first saw her I was so relieved to finally hear information that made sense about what was really going on in my body, mind and spirit. I have since taken lots of herbal medicine with fantastic improvements to my health. There were many days where I lay in bed and prayed for death. I can now sit around a table and talk for more than an hour. I can walk to the beach and get into the ocean. These are things I only dreamed of a few years ago. Do I still struggle in life? Yes I do, I suffer every day to levels that feel traumatic. But I do see myself improving and sometimes that's all that matters.
I believe there are other ways than traditional medicine to heal chronic fatigue syndrome and I hope my journey can inspire others. Even during the darkest days it is very possible to heal physically, mentally and emotionally even for someone like me.
