It was 2014 and my oldest child had just handed me a letter. On the outside it read, “For Dad, when you’re sure you’re ready and willing.”
I remember feeling disbelief.
As a child, he disliked wearing dresses, climbed trees and liked playing soccer with the boys. But I dismissed that behaviour as simply a tomboy phase. I mean, it’s not uncommon, right? And I didn’t want to lose my oldest daughter. Whatever had happened to my child, I wanted it undone.
Then there were the questions that flooded my head: Did my child have a mental disorder? Or been duped by unsavoury friends? How could this have happened? Whose fault was it? Could it be undone? What does it mean to be “transgender” anyway? That letter launched me on a journey, and there were many hurdles I needed to deal with in order to get to the end of it.
I did a lot of reading and watched many YouTube videos.
As a Christian, I wanted to get some balanced input, so I read texts by Christian and non-Christian authors. My faith is central to my life, so I knew the first hurdle to overcome would involve determining if the concept of being transgender reconciled with my faith. I really wrestled with that particular concern.
Logan is a happy healthy young man. Source: Supplied
In the end, my own reading, plus discussions with the pastors of my church led me to believe there was no conflict. In fact, to my surprise, my pastors were quite supportive and affirming. And later, the people in my church turned out to also be very supportive and accepting. First hurdle overcome.
All the while, the very notion that my child had gender dysphoria was doing my head in. I needed to get my head around it, so I sought counselling. That was an important step in my journey as the counsellor (himself a Christian) helped me to understand the transgender condition as well as the feelings and issues my child was dealing with.
I then came to the next serious hurdle: Was my child a genuine transgender case? I had read the autobiography of a man who had been misdiagnosed with gender dysphoria, underwent gender reassignment surgery and later reverted back to male. I didn’t want my child to experience that – I wanted to be sure that his condition was genuine. So I placed major emphasis on the final assessment to be given by the treating psychiatrist. In fact, the psychiatrist’s diagnosis became crucial to getting me over the line.
I remember meeting with the psychiatrist in mid-2016. After he declared that my child was, in fact, a genuine transgender case, I remember asking him: “How will you know that your diagnosis is correct? What evidence will there be?” He simply said, “Happiness. When your son is fully supported and accepted as a young man, his happiness will be the proof.”
That was all I needed. I came on board that day. After all, what parent doesn’t want to see happiness in their child? It had taken two years of struggle, but my personal journey had reached its destination.
I was now in a place where I had overcome the barriers, reconciled the issues and was able to support my son on his journey.
And his journey had only just begun. There were other hurdles (not mine) still to overcome – getting his siblings on board, and coming out to the extended family.
So, I drew up a plan about how we should do it. To my pleasant surprise, his uncles, aunts and cousins were accepting and supportive. But it was another story with his siblings – they took another 12 months or so to come on board. Today, thankfully, they are all best buddies.
Top surgery came at the end of 2017. I drove my son to the hospital and stayed there while the surgery was being done. When he came out of surgery, I was waiting for him in his room. I brought him home the next day and took a few days off work to look after him.
With top surgery done and ongoing testosterone treatment, I have seen a lot of changes in my son. More facial hair, a deeper voice, well defined muscles. But the biggest difference? He’s so happy. The happiest I’ve seen.
